I've noticed this Blog has become an on-line diary in its purest sense - all about me! Sometimes it feels weird to write about all this stuff on-line. Some of it when I read back sounds like I'm showing off, often I sound like a Zen zealot, some of it sounds like I'm complaining about the smallest things and some of it just seems so introverted I'm surprised when I type it it actually shows on the screen! But it's my diary of my passion for Zazen and the feelings I have around it. Often I write after a sitting so it is infused with that. Zen Master Hakuiin - 'what is the sound of one hand clapping?' guy - wrote a chant in praise of Zazen and I often feel that all I'm doing is praising Zazen. It's like an addiction but a positive addiction.
But I was thinking about how my feelings have changed towards it. Ever since I started in Japan, I was an 'anything goes' Zen guy - as long as I sat everyday or a few times a week, I felt this was enough. I'd forget about it. But now I'm convinced it has to be a moment by moment thing. Not Zen this, Zen that, but just to be careful to pay attention all the time. I can't do everything I always did and expect to feel any different just because I sit a few times. So I've come to believe that to get the best out of this practice, I have to drop a few things, take time out every now and then, not follow the crowd all the time, and to just stand my ground and do things my way.
Anyway, as my readership dwindles and readers get bored of me spouting off about Zen, I'm starting to enjoy my Blog :-)
