Undeceivable - nature, zen and sliding

All is Zazen

One day, when time-travel exists (well, if it will ever exist it exists now) I will go back and thank everyone who taught me how to sit Zazen. Because without it, I mistake my thoughts for the centre of my world. And with it, some space reveals itself, to not be so self-centered.

I tried to explain what being deceived meant in relation to Zen the other day to a good friend. And I couldn't think of an example. But that's my answer there in good old Fight Club fashion: you are not your thoughts. Not your thoughts of how good you are or how rubbish your are. Not any of them. Not even these thoughts of not being your thoughts. 

I get the feeling this goes totally against what most sane people think or want to follow. But I get the feeling it's what I want to follow.

So follow, I will.

Nice day here. 

A Small Smile

I'm reading Seeds for a Boundless Life by Zenkei Blanche Hartman. It's a nice and simple book. In it she recommends smiling...not a big inane grin, but a small smile.

Now, I've heard people recommend this before and have always run a mile from that advice: Zen, for me, is all about being exactly how you are right now, not forcing yourself to feel something you're not. But, Hartman is lovely, so I'm giving it a go.

A very small smile whenever I remember. And it does something, that's for sure. 

Balloon of Happiness*

On the way to yoga today, I had a thought which, I thought, when I thought it, that's quite a wise thought. And this is what I thought:

If the basis of your current feeling of happiness is based on something outside of you, drop it**

This might sound a bit extreme to most people who have no interest in Zen. It's pretty common to hear of people saying to let go of harmful feelings or worries though. But all these buildings we create with our thoughts and feelings will fall no matter what they are, happy or sad. And by drop, I don't mean, get rid of...just don't keep on thinking them, building upon them, turning them into megastructures upon which you base your life. Which is what I tend to do...

This is probably inspired by Kosho Uchiyama's Opening the Hand of Thought, which is pretty much the best book on Zen I've ever read. To paraphrase...no, I won't, just read it yourself.

*Originally my metaphor was blowing up a balloon, but deleted that and went for a building, but forgot to delete the title.

**I have to add a disclaimer to these sorts of posts. I like writing about these sorts of things but am often talking rubbish which I look back on and think, ooh, that's stupid.

Ryokan's Hut

My hut lies in the middle of a dense forest;
Every year the green ivy grows longer.
No news of the affairs of men,
Only the occasional song of a woodcutter.
The sun shines and I mend my robe;
When the moon comes out I read Buddhist poems.
I have nothing to report, my friends.
If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after
so many things.

– Ryokan

Lately, I've been going for late evening walks into the local wood, hoping to see a tawny owl. I haven't been successful yet but I'll keep trying. I've also been trying to find a place to rent but also haven't been successful. I'll keep trying. 

One day I'll have my own place and will let the ivy grow too. But will also check Facebook a little too often.

Gym Gymany...

I joined a gym today! I get a lot of exercise what with my gardening round, weekend cycle ride and now Parkrun, but I don't get to do yoga or meet that many people during any of those. So a gym seems like the cheapest way to do yoga a few times a week and meet some people.

I'm reading this book on reflection in Buddhism and the author talks about people not liking doing nothing or just not having the time to sit and do nothing. Literally nothing. I don't have that problem: I've been doing zazen regularly for over 10 years and inevitably my way of thinking has changed and I have developed a habit of doing nothing! Some of my happiest times, moods and moments are when I'm sitting zazen and so I associate doing nothing with being happy. The bits inbetween exciting events are great too. 

But.

When you look back, you also want to have something to look back upon. Stuff is fun to do, places are waiting to be seen. There are adventures to be had. Making friends and doing things you are scared of is liberating.

The fact that I don't have trouble making time to do absolutely nothing is a good sign that I have too much spare time that could do with filling up with something other than nothing!

So I joined a gym.

Hello!

Since buying a tablet I haven't bothered to blog. That seems a bit odd to say, but the on-screen keyboard isn't very condusive to great lenghty blog posts and my spelling is bad enough as it is without random typos. Enter the bluetooth keyboard!! For ten pounds I can now type as humans were always meant to type and my fingers can keep up with my brain.

So, what have I been up to, I hear you ask? Lots!

1. My gardening business is a thriving mega corporation employing 1 member of staff (me!) and averaging about 31 hours a week before I need a nap. I'm still obsessed with plants which attract and cater to wildlife and garden most of the time, with this in mind.

2. I read a lot of books on wildlife in gardens at the same time as reading a lot about zen: my main books on the go are books on the origin and development of the Heart Sutra by Kazuaki Tanahashi, the Art of Reflection by Ratnaguna, Hakuin's commentary on the Heart Sutra, Zen Words for the Heart, and Meadowland by John Lewis-Stempel. I've also just finished the last book in the Zen trilogy by Janwillem van de Wettering, Afterzen. His books, along with Brad Warner's early stuff, are what got me into sitting Zen: honest, straightforward and inspiring at the same time as being critical.

3. I have temporary songwriter's block so aside from having bought a Korg Volca Beats drum sampler thing, I've not written much music. But my youtube channel continues to bring in the views...at last count 30 on some songs!

4. Just did my first Parkrun round Willen Lake: It was lush! I'm all about being in large groups without the pressure to talk and this is exactly that. As a result of there being no pressure I talk to everyone and had a great time. Alas, not a great running time. Just under 30 minutes for 5km...

5. This keyboard is good.

Welcome back.

Overwintering Insects and Sitting

Two things I've learnt today:

1. It's common practice in wildlife focused or organic gardening to leave the cutting back of perennials until early spring. I always assumed it was generally to leave cover for overwintering insects but it's not just that: insects even overwinter inside the hollow stems of plants and best of all, in the seed pods! I love that idea. I'd live in a seed pod if I could...

2. Maybe, just maybe, when I'm sitting Zazen regularly, for a couple of periods a day, I forget how it feels to not sit. So after a while, my sitting starts to wane and the grip of motivation weakens. Maybe, just maybe, it's a case of remembering that without sitting, life's just not as good.

That's it.

Sitting Zen

Sitting with my back straight, eyes pointing downwards, ears ringing. Sitting within a space where the universe flows through you. No effort, just a gradual and natural focusing without any object.

There are days when sitting Zazen is like this, just sitting within the sea of thoughts turned thoughtless. Other days 5 minutes feels like a week. Even when I don't sit very consistently and recently it's been sporadic, the intention of Zazen is never far from my mind. And I like that this pull never goes away even when the cushion remains unsat on for a week.

I think this pull comes from the fact that it's simple: just a switch of mind and you're back to filling the universe rather than creating the universe.

Anyway, thought I'd post something other than grass growing!

In other news I'm thinking of doing the GR10, a hiking trail going from the west coast of france through the pyrenees to the mediterranean. I want to see wild flowers, birds of prey and...er...bears. 

3 Year Retreat!?

An interesting documentary about someone embarking upon a Tibetan 3 year retreat:

3 Years, 3 Months, 3 Days

As an aside, this temple is in the mountains not far from where my grandmother lived. We went a few years ago and my juzu bracelet is made from beads bought at the little shop. It's a really nice place.

I'd like to do a 3 year retreat although the idea of being with a group of people that long isn't quite so tempting!

Zen and the Art of Disappearing

Last year was a busy year what with growing vegetables, starting my gardening business and then starting college in September. I had a constant feeling that I was playing at being stressed, just getting frustrated with being busy and then giving up on trying not to be stressed. Whilst in the background, I knew all it takes to calm down and enjoy life is to stop being deceived and pretending you're stressed.

I don't really know what it takes to snap out of pretending, but I do know it's really easy in theory. I catch myself these days spending my whole day running around from one thing to the next without ever really doing anything. It's so easy to do that. If I were being filmed for a reality show, I'd look like a total nutcase! But when I realise I've been doing this, I try to stop. And, against the backdrop of running around doing lots of nothing, doing each thing properly is incredibly relaxing and fun.

It may sound really silly, but I remember back in Japan having a shower (that might be the title of my book). Not having a shower whilst listening to the radio and thinking about the day ahead and what I'd just done. But just having a shower. There's something about not exciting the mind all the time, that makes stuff more interesting and fun.

I'm constantly being told to get this and that to be happy, but in 37 years of life, I've been happiest how I'm doing stuff, rather than what I'm doing. Which means that yes, snowboarding under a blue sky in the Alps was awesome, but so was walking to the shops to get the paper today.

My point? I spend 99% of my time deceived and running around. Today I spent the other 1% perfectly doing a bit of shopping, buying some seeds, and having a smoke.